Cool unconscious or anxiety driven consciousness? 

They say lucid dreams are those that you control. You can change the characters, the setting, the time and best of all you can disregard it all together. Just fly yourself out of it. Statically they are the dreams you remember too. 

So I still dream about you. I still do no matter how much I try not to, I still pick out situations we might meet and play them in my head again an again till it become a dream. 

So yesterday I saw you in my dream again. I saw you with a girl in a totally unexpected place a church. I really want to know  how that came about as I have never played that in my head before. So this one is on my  unconscious. 

So I see you at church with a really pretty girl and I come up to approach you. We end up having dinner. You me and your new girlfriend. I notice she is clumsy but I don’t hate her. 

I am happy for you. I am not jealous I am not judging her. I just like her instantly and I am happy. The funny part tho is that my stomach churns when I am typing this. I feel my anxieties putting their heads up like a dozen 100 of meerkats in a grassland of errand thoughts. But I know without a doubt in my head that I was happy in my dream.

Seems like I am cooler subconsciously. Not cool at all consciously. Thus I see why I black out after 4 beers. 


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