Last week a couple of my friends all psychologist, shared an article by Alayna Kolberg, explaining her reasons as to why she felt it was okay for her child to say no when other children ask him to share a toy.
We chatted at length how it’s commendable for a mother to be okay with her son not being a people pleaser. As most mother are petrified of being judged by others. It’s actually worries us when we see a mother trying to manage a crying toddler and the load of judgemental looks she gets. We have to make sure she knows that she is being judged for not being able to manage a crying child. To which my friend who is now a mother to an infant.. remembered when we were judging a couple with a crying toddler. In my defence I was very quick to point out that I still judged that mother as she brought a 3 year old to a pub. I understand we need to party or hangout with friends but then find a babysitter. You can’t have a 3 year old running about a pub and looking at other tables. Maybe you are comfortable allowing your child seeing you drink. I am not comfortable looking at a child and smiling when i am sipping my whiskey talk about our sex life plunge even before we reached 30.
We chatted a couple more minutes about the crazy Moms world. And then got down to discussing when we can raid my bottle of unopened Cabo. We decided Friday and I thrashed that plan right away. I didn’t wanna drink a day before my big work day. So my friends began pushing and begging and cajoling and guilting me into getting the bottle. Being very comfortable saying no. I didn’t bulge. I knew they found it childish and inconsiderate. But I knew my reasons and I was sure. But I did feel kinda like a mean girl to saying no to cajoling.
But we moved away from the chat and were fine. Only to be taunted at once for not getting it. Which I didn’t bother.
A day later it struck me how difficult it is for us to take a no and understand the idea of consent.
We can talk for hours discussing how a mother understood consent and began to teach it from that young age. And here we are disregarding consent when it comes to accepting a No!